Get ready for unashamed transparency (some people say “no filter”) because that’s what I do here- I started this blog because of a recent break up I went through. I had been trying to be perfect while experiencing traumatic stress from the year before. What I wanted was to be accepted and loved where I was. I think that that is what everyone needs. I thought I needed to deal with my pain better or change how I grieved that year to please others, but that was not the case. It wasn’t until after I was abandoned that realized that I should have understood my own worth and accepted my big emotions better. Because who am I always left with? Myself and God. The two people I should have prioritized first.
Don’t misunderstand me, my ex is a good guy and he loves the Lord and although I don’t like what happened I wish him the best. I was blessed by the good times we had. The point is that I realized that not everyone knows what to do with very emotional people. It makes those of us who are going through a hard time emotionally believe we aren’t good enough to be loved. And sometimes we do hurt those we love without understanding why or knowing how to stop because we don’t know what to do with ourselves either. We feel like we’re different, sometimes even crazy, because “normal” people say we don’t make sense. But unless you’re schizophrenic, there are often very logical reasons for why you react the way you do. Why a word might trigger you to start sweating or hyperventilating. Why a tiny argument might be the last straw on your weary back. Why you seem to break down and cry so easily all the sudden. Or even why you take so much joy from small but special moments in your life.
For me, it was as simple as wanting to die because I was called “dramatic” at the wrong time by the wrong person too many times. Looks pretty crazy on the outside to someone who doesn’t know the pain that word has caused me.
I’ve finally realized that I can’t be alone in this and that this happens to people all the time. It’s just that those of us who are honest with ourselves and others become “that emotional friend.”
The torment of confusion and pain since that day has done a lot to me, physically almost more than mentally. But because I’ve given it all to God, a lot of good has happened and is happening, and I’m excited to share weekly what God can do with ashes that are brought to Him.
So, don’t try to ditch your feelings. God is emotional too, so emotions are part of bearing His image to the world. However, sometimes our emotions lead us to distort that image (“the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God” James 1:20). I’ve had such a hard time trying to pick apart what is part of my personality and what is learned reactions that must change, and one of the best ways I’ve worked through that is by learning about who Christ has redeemed me to be.
What is my identity?
My emotions are wrapped up in who I am and what I believe. And I am a new creature. When I accepted by faith the payment Christ made for my sin by dying on the cross, something very important happened to my soul – it was immediately protected from the enemy’s control. Absolutely nothing on earth has the power to cause me to sin. Not my body, not demonic influence, not people around me, not any cursed creation. Not emotions. My soul is free to not sin anymore.
Who shapes my emotions?
My emotions are influenced by the direction of my life. I have the Holy Spirit inside me. When I accepted Christ’s way of salvation, He sent the ultimate Comforter to me. I have the freedom and responsibility and power to live like Christ did because of the Holy Spirit’s presence in me, guiding my soul as I read the Bible and make decisions carefully. This process is known as sanctification and bearing the “fruit of the Spirit.” This means that, according to Galatians 5:22-23 (“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”), there are new emotional characteristics in a true Believer’s identity. You might notice that the list is made up of concepts that are choices associated with feelings, not just feelings themselves (such as joy, which must be chosen and can also be felt).
Emotions are natural!
Emotions aren’t inherently wrong. They are just fruit that we see on the outside. What are inherently good or bad are the heart issues/roots that emotions grow from and are nourished by. What’s wrong with envy? The discontented heart that thinks God made a mistake. When is anger wrong? When it’s not directed at something God hates (like injustice or cruelty).
In this blog I will share personal stories and talk about specific emotions to help inspire further thought into why we feel the way we do, what to do with different feelings, and how to really start enjoying your life. I’m your emotional friend, and I get it! Emotions are only tricky to navigate because humans are very complex.
So, I’m here to tell you one thing, over and over, that has helped me when I’ve been abandoned by people and I feel like I’m stuck in a hurricane – your emotions are not too big for God.
